Have you ever had a problem that you had the solution to, but for whatever reason, you didn’t go through with it? Have you ever passed up an opportunity for change completely, even though you had been self-motivated?
What is it about us that sees a solution staring at us right in our face and makes us go “oh well” and turn the other way?
Why do we want to remain in discomfort rather than comfort?
We make up many excuses in our minds about why we would rather stay in the problem than to get out of it. Have you ever said to yourself that something you really want to do costs too much money, or that it was going to be too difficult to do, or that you didn’t have enough time – even if you could have made it happen?
Have you ever discredited a person, program, or training that was the solution to your problem? Have you ever said no to a relationship or job that was great because it felt too different?
If you’re looking at any of this and thinking “that’s me,” you’re not alone!
Our minds want to keep us safe even if that means we stay in our problem.
There’s nothing like stability to make us feel more comfortable, even if our security is remaining stuck in the same sorry situation as before. Change makes people uncomfortable because we don’t know what’s going to happen when change comes, even if we can think about it rationally and figure out it’s probably going to be okay.
Worse, all of the programming that has been laid on us from birth on up bubbles to the surface and says you’re not important enough to have your problem solved, or that you should think of other people and not yourself. This depletes any self-motivation you had and it can feel like you took two steps back.
Charging more money for your work. Asking for a raise. Leaving relationships. Asking for help. All of these things are things we don’t do because we don’t feel we’re worthwhile enough to do it, or because we don’t want to bother other people. How many other things do we do because we don’t feel like we deserve happiness?
You may be afraid to change because you don’t know who you would be if you were different.
How would you feel if you let go of the feelings that have had a grip on you for decades, and who would you be without those feelings? Some of us are so deep in dealing with our problems that we don’t know what we’re like when we’re not dealing with them.
Temporary “loss of personality” often happens with people who’ve grown up in dangerous situations or poverty, who spend so much time reacting to life based on the ways they’ve been brought up or worrying about money or not being able to eat. When you’re throwing yourself into a problem, you dedicate a part of yourself to solving the problem, and that part of yourself isn’t allowed to come back and be you.
So, in a lot of ways, remaining the way we are right now – just dealing with our circumstances, and not necessarily thriving or enjoying ourselves – can feel more comfortable than the alternative. We have this idea of our personalities like this is just how we are, and we’re willing to accept that if it means staying within our comfort zones.
What if everything you wanted was on the other side of feeling uncomfortable? How could your life change if you embraced being uncomfortable for a while so that you could feel better and reach your goals?
Discomfort is temporarily upsetting, and sometimes even terrifying. But just as getting a painful shot is for your overall health, so is making changes you’re uncomfortable with for real, long-term results.
Moving forward is sometimes about being uncomfortable. Embrace it, honor it, and get going.
If you want to do something, no matter what it is, but the idea makes you scared or unsure, bring out the pros and cons. If you’re afraid to do something because it might inconvenience somebody, lay down the reasons you should be allowed to make a change that’s important to you, and make sure to ask for support from the people who care about your life and development.
You’ll be surprised at how much of your life you can live once you’ve moved through the bad and into the good, and you’ll notice that your self-motivation improves dramatically.
Leave a comment below about some of the things you’ve had difficulty launching yourself into.