When you experience trauma, your mind can, and often does, block out some or all of the memories. This includes unusual experiences like a near death experience.

This helps you function normally until you’re ready to deal with what’s taken place. I had a traumatic memory come to my conscious awareness. Along with that memory was a near death experience that I repressed.

It blows my mind to think that I had a near death experience locked in my psyche all this time!

The thing about repressed memories is that when it surfaces people will typically start second-guessing themselves.

They feel like they are making it up, as did I. But your gut instinct would have you believe otherwise.

I went through a very traumatic experience when I was ten years old where I died. There’s no need to get into all the icky details, but rather, I will skip straight ahead to the part where I was no longer in my body.

It became known to me that I was without a body, but I was aware.

There wasn’t an awareness of myself as a person, but I was aware of myself as a presence. I existed in a way that didn’t have thoughts or the type of consciousness that thinks, and I was in a void of darkness.

When I say darkness, it’s not the type of dark that would mean evil or negative. It was the type of darkness that wraps you like a warm blanket, and it was a familiar part of myself.

I knew I was part of the darkness, yet in this experience, I somehow knew that I was also an individual aspect of this darkness.

Out before me was a large embryo shape that was vibrating waves of light pattern that took on different colors.

At the head, it took on the color of periwinkle, then the color started to take on a bright fuchia, and down the tail, it took on a deep blue color. It was almost the color of indigo as it shifted down towards the tail.

At its curve, angled away from “me”, there where streams of gold light and they almost looked like strings of hair. There weren’t many, but they were moving about as if there was a slight wind blowing them.

As I gazed towards this energetic presence, I received the message “You are dead, but you will be going back soon. You have agreed to continue your journey until its completion. You have agreed to help others not fear death. You have agreed to help lift others up.”

I didn’t hear anything, but I received an impression, almost like a knowing. It’s like having the wind blow on your face. You know it’s there but you can’t see it.

Then I began to see gold sparkles of light as I felt my presence be pulled back into my body. As I came back into the body I felt heavy and then the pain came, and I felt it in every place of my body.

A few hours later, the memory was nicely blocked off by my subconscious mind to allow me to function as a child.

It wasn’t until I was ready to remember that specific traumatic event that my near death experience became known to me, along with my trauma.

We are not very conscious.

We go around with parts of our mind walled off from our conscious awareness, even if we haven’t been traumatized. If we were more conscious we could chip away these layers of our formed personality to expose who we are at our core.

I feel a bit crazy when I think about repressing a near-death experience. What makes me feel worse is thinking I went that long with a huge part of me walled off from my conscious awareness.

My intention for my life, and for my purpose, is to be as conscious as I possibly can be. This is what allows me to unite with my higher consciousness, to become the best person I can be while I’m here.

It allows me to have more space inside of me so that I can see.

I can see beyond the veil of this human experience. I can access more of my greater consciousness and live with more presence.

You can have a near-death experience without having your body die.

It’s like laying bricks on a foundation to build a wall. At first, there is just the foundation (your spiritual essence), then over time, you experience life.

You form thoughts and feelings about what you experienced. This is what lays the bricks. One brick gets stacked upon another to build your brick wall.

At first, everything is fine, but after some time the brick wall begins to tumble. It gets old and decrepit and needs to come down.

You understand that to build a solid brick wall you must lay the bricks on a solid foundation.

You pull out the old bricks one at a time until you reach your foundation, and you realize that you didn’t need the bricks at all.

Now you can begin to play.

When you become more conscious and dismantle your programming, you can visit the space that is outside of your current awareness.

It’s kind of like seeing a sunrise for the first time. You understand that the sunrise is outside of you as a person, but you’re aware of it and it makes you feel wonderful.

In this deepened awareness you can begin to have the type of experiences that others call a near death experience.

The thing about life and spirituality is that we are doing it, like both of them at the same time. We are spiritual beings whether we realize it or not, and we are also still human, whether we just want to be spiritual all the time or not.

The key is to embody both.

Are you ready to have a near-death experience without having to die? It’s always a freaky thing to think of yourself as not being yourself, right?

We are so enmeshed with our personalities that we can become quite comfortable being miserable or complacent. After all, isn’t that who we are?

I think that near-death experiences are subjective and tailored to the person having it. It’s like our higher consciousness and our subconscious minds work together to bring us the exact experience we need to make our transition.

This can happen in other ways too.

I’ve seen this in areas of my work. I’m a hypnotist and I assist others through energy work, and what I noticed is that each person has had their own unique experience that suited them best.

Let me explain.

With energy healing, I would often see things that were specific to the client, that they needed to hear, know, or experience during the session. They would confirm the shared experience of my reports. It was different for each client, but it was like there was shared information between us that was needed specifically for them. I look at it like our nervous systems and minds are communicating with each other.

With hypnosis, I have done more past life regressions than I can count, and I noticed recurring themes.

When the client was in a hypnotic state and moved from this life to a life in the past, they would go to the end of that past life’s life. Each person’s accounting of their afterlife experience was unique to them.

Meaning, each of their death experiences was usually personalized to their belief system. They typically only bore religious overtones if the person was religious, spiritual overtones if the person was metaphysically oriented, and so on.

It was what they needed to hear at that time to move forward in their lives. I think it’s the same thing regarding near-death experiences. When you die, you get the experience that’s best for you.

I grew up religious, and at one point I had researched NDE’s and I was confronted with different experiences that people who reported NDE’s had.

This caused a great deal of distress for me because I had really believed in the Bible. I thought that if someone had a different NDE that wasn’t based on heaven or something close to it, that meant that the bible was wrong and my worldview would be shattered.

I no longer hold my religious beliefs, and I’ve come to see that NDE’s are tailored for each person.

When they come back they can make changes to their life if needed (an example is experiencing an NDE of going to hell representing the need to release the fear of hell, or perhaps the need to live a life of integrity), or getting a message like I did to live life fully.

Who knows, maybe we are all just having a DMT trip without ingesting it. This seems possible to me too, after all, DMT is naturally produced in the body.

I’ve had a Kundalini Awakening, which I think of as an evolutionary response, and it just may be that people who have spiritual experiences happen to them have more DMT in their body than people who don’t.

Experiences like near-death experiences and spiritual awakenings may just be a biological response that science has not observed and assessed. Personally, I think it would be great if scientists were able to identify this process with certainty.

It sure would make me feel less weird, and we could stop thinking we are all magical beings – not that that’s a bad thing. 😉

My feeling is that all of this works together.

We may be having a biological response that triggers a spiritual response. Maybe the spiritual response triggers the biological response.

Brain fried!

Whatever the reason, my near-death experience made an imprint on me. I know that it’s okay to die. I may still have fear around it, after all, I’m still human with an ego, but it also offers me a sense of peace.

We are here to live.

You can start living by becoming more conscious, not in a spiritual way, but in a human way. You have the opportunity to become an observer of your inner world so that you can expose your strong foundation.

From there, things become easier. It’s easier to move through life experiences, and it’s easier to have more joy in your life.

You get the best of both worlds and have a sense of peace.

With love,


P.S. Let me know what your thoughts are on the subject, and I would LOVE it if you would share your NDE if you’ve had one.


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